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Thursday, August 9, 2012

Not Your Average Female...

BABE, BITCH, BARONESS, BROAD, DAME, DOLL, EMPRESS, GAL, MISSUS, PRINCESS, QUEEN, DAMSEL, LASSIE, CHICK, LADY...And many many more words used to describe the female species!!! Want to know the one that resonates with me??? B-I-T-C-H!!! Now most of you out there things it's a derogatory comment. I, however, know the real meaning behind it and accept it as a term of endearment: Babe In Total Control of Herself!!!

Here are some things I've learned about myself which puts me into the category of: Not Your Average Female...

I'm just as comfortable wearing a white one shoulder BCBG dress with Colin Stuart multi-color stilettos as I am wearing an all black gi (martial arts uniform) with bare feet!

There's nothing better than carrying that blue sequined Coach bag on a night out, but nothing compares to the feeling of carrying my Everlast shoulder bag to the gym!

I'm just as comfortable applying my Chanel Mirrorfique smoky eyeshadow with a layer of glitter on top as I am applying a rear naked choke to an opponent on the ground!

I sometimes long for the "high" adrenaline-induced pain that comes from getting a tattoo, but I do still whine about that tiny paper cut that I feel I need to go to the ER for!

I know exactly what size undergarments conform to my body at Victoria's Secret and I know what colors and styles I love, but I also know that my Tapout 12 oz. boxing gloves and my MMA (mixed martial arts gloves) from Japan fit my hands like a glove! (Even if I secretly wish they came in pink or purple!)

I know the difference between a rear naked choke and a can opener, I know what a balk is, I know the difference between a defensive and reflexive boxer, and I know the different line changes in hockey, but that doesn't mean that I don't secretly root for the team who has the "cutest" uniforms, the "brightest" colors, or the "hottest" quarterback!

I have no problem with fabricating a whole pig or breaking a chickens neck to make chicken noodle soup, but the show Criminal Minds scares the crap out of me!

I enjoy a nice GINORMOUS salad filled with tons of veggies but I'm totally content eating pizza and wings! (Every now and then!)

Pictures of fitness models and motivational "fitspiration" photos fill my Pinterest page right alongside pictures of Victoria's Secret models, "fashgasm" photos, and how-to's on updos and smoky eye makeup applications!

Shellac manicures and pedicures in funky, glittery, sparkly colors are a must but they always seem to chip when I'm flipping a tire or dropping the sledgehammer!

I'm just as content watching Teen Mom, Mob Wives, The Hills as I am Real Sports, Boxing After Dark, and Hard Knocks!

I can watch GSP (George St. Pierre) or Andersen Silva ground and pound or KTFO their opponents in the UFC, but Silence of the Lambs and horror movies still frighten me like a wuss! ("It puts the lotion on the skin" has haunted me for years!)

A girls day might include hours of shopping and pampering, but could also include some target practice at Shooter's World!

You'll find the Victoria's Secret Fall Lookbook and Glamour on my nightstand along with Sports Illustrated and MMA magazine!

"Obviously you're not a golfer" a quote from the Big Lebowski resonates with me just as much as "So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me everyday!" from The Notebook!

Songs like Enter Sandman by Metallica, Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins, Stronger by Kanye West fill my I-Pizzle along with Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen, Love Is A Battlefield by Pat Benatar and Single Ladies by Beyonce!

I've got 12 tattoos, two of which are 3/4 sleeves and spent hundreds of hours sitting in the tattoo chair, but that tetanus shot and the drawing of my blood almost makes me pass out or cry like a little girl!

The calcium deposits and permanent bruises on my shins mixed with the bruises on
my upper ribs, the pain in my shoulder from the Kimura lock, mixed with the daze I'm in from a succession of 3 chokes in a row are NBD (No Big Deal), but the blisters on the back of my ankles from those ridiculously high Colin Stuart wedges that I wore all in the name of fashion are making me a "Cry Baby Sally!"

Squats, dead lifts, planks, triangle chokes, bent arm bars, roundhouse kicks, and spinning back fists are all words in my vocabulary as are Louboutins, pencil skirts, rompers, BB cream, Shellac nail polish, and volumizing mascara!

BLISS, Sephora, Victoria's Secret, Zethina Cosmetics and Forever 21 are beauty/fashion "holy" meccas' that you'll see me at often, but you might also find me perusing the workout apparel at the Under Armour outlet or trying to find the perfect pair of Nike's at the Nike store or even trying on different Everlast boxing gloves to find the right weight at Sports Authority!

The beautiful quote "dolce far niente" or the "sweetness of doing nothing" touches me to the deepest depths of my soul while "eat clean, train dirty" resonates just as much!

Pan-searing a fillet of opakapaka (pink snapper) in a lime butter sauce, delicately removing the pin bones from salmon with needle nose pliers, creating the perfect rosette of whipped cream on a cheesecake is just as easy for me as grilling hamburgers, throwing a slab of ribs on the BBQ and smothering it with BBQ sauce, and smoking my own pork belly to make homemade bacon!

I know that it takes less than 2 pounds of pressure to break someones elbow, I know that ripping someones ear off takes less work than ripping a page out of a phone book, I know that if applied correctly and at the right angle a straight arm bar can easily become a spiral break. But I also know that curling your lashes before mascara and after mascara gives them more volume, I know that if you hold your curling iron vertical that you'll get the perfect spiral curl, and I know that if you layer your eyelid with liquid eyeliner and then apply glitter you'll have the perfect sparkly eye makeup!

I know I need to sit with legs crossed while wearing a skirt or dress, I know that I'm supposed to leave my pinkie out when drinking tea, I know there are no elbows on the tables at a restaurant and I know which fork I need to use when eating a salad, but I do curse like a sailor and I do burp when I eat spicy food or drink too much carbonation!

I'm a giver (sometimes to a fault), I pour my heart out, when I do love, I love deeply, and I would do anything for the people I love and care about but I will not let you walk over me, or take advantage of me and I fight for what I believe and I'm definitely not too shy to tell you how I feel about you! (We can call that word vomit!) ;-)

I'm also the girl that believes in fairy tales, roots for the couple to get together at the end and live happily ever after, imagines romantic getaways and a perfect marriage with the one guy who changed it all, but I'm also the girl who hates labels, genuinely enjoys a males company w/o there being strings attached, is quick to point out douche-bagginess when I see it, hates game playing, arrogance and cheating and is not shy with saying that not every girl wants to be in a relationship!

So I guess what I'm trying to say is: That's me in a nutshell! A fierce, sassy, bad-assy, girly, loyal, tough, responsible, fighter with spunk, class, tattoos, a genuine passion for food and cooking, an eye and impeccable taste for fashion topped off with shine and sparkle all together in one tight, tiny little package!!!

1 comment:

  1. Whew girl; lots to read but great photos and definitely described yourself well!! Could not have written your biography better myself ;)