The first thing I'd like to do is share a post from Facebook posted by an incredibly AMAZING special man who holds a special spot in my life. This is sooooooooooo BEAUTIFULLY written and I was so touched, moved and inspired by the post that I thought I should share it and give my spin on the whole thing! Enjoy!
PURPOSE BUILT...
I felt a posting would be necessary after what had just happened with the fight on Saturday.
Some friends of mine from school came to watch what would be my first fight of 2012 since a couple of injuries and my last bout ...
I felt a posting would be necessary after what had just happened with the fight on Saturday.
Some friends of mine from school came to watch what would be my first fight of 2012 since a couple of injuries and my last bout ...
in 2011. They were endearingly supportive of all my efforts and presence at the event. They knew what this could possibly mean for my inner being. So they came a crowd-full, in t-shirts, graphics and whole load of full-hearted screaming.
This really was endearing. But what i choose to share with you here and now, are some shots from before and after the event. As it truly is a measure of results. How you have grown. The journey is what gets us there. And it is not what everybody sees.
So I will also share what no one usually gets to hear.
On my journey there, I have taken some workshops about passions, about purpose and about self. You ever hear how when someone tells you the man who looks out is wise but the man who looks IN is enlightened. its true. Self knowledge is the one true path to enlightenment. Living with true self. Knowing what that is. Knowing what that wants. What it wants from you, for the world. I was put in to some very strong corners and asked why I HAD to live. What was my reason for surviving? What was it the World needed me For? It was strong and very imposing. It asked of purpose. And it was the clarity of that purpose that made a channel for passion. It was that channel that gave way to unlimited energy and discovery of true self.
I have jumped on this boat now. If it was a rescue boat that had room only for people of purpose, those would be our survivors, those would be our saviors. That is what i chose I would be. I would leave those without clarity behind and board the boat FOR those left behind. To show them they can, that everyone has purpose and a saviour boat to fill. That everyone has wings to be limitless and passionate about their purpose.
One of the things my soul told me was that I needed to continue full heartedly, and what I was doing was preparing. Part in for this fight and for many more to come. This is but another platform to show that limitlessness. How borders and blocks can be surpassed. And I needed to show it to myself.
BOY WAS THIS A TEST.
The day before i was on fire. At the party I had no reservations, this was ongoing, this was relentless, what I had, what I had to give, this was boundless, this was flow and it was infinite. You can be on such a high. it was so hot my hands at times were burning. I was an oven baking for movement!
And the next day...hello Stagnation. Here comes the initiation. Today was the day. What do you do with sparing time and space. And what do you let happen???
There is plenty out there that can seep into your mind; un-needingly, unnecessarily and un-endingly. Alot can be let happen to you. Well this is where you re-introduce your soul. You have to be feeding yourself that right spiritual information. How you are strong, why you are doing this, how you are brilliant, how you are resilient, how your soul knows purpose, how you are never ending, how you are brave. Its the biggest promotion piece of your life. And you have ONE audience member! YOURSELF.
AND ITS A TOUGH CROWD OUT THERE. IT IS.
Your emotions can be a track set for a roller coaster of ups and downs as your thought as well. You have to watch those. And what you notice. is that they pass. they pass like water underneath the bridge. What remains is the bridge. the bridge of growth, the bridge of purpose the bridge for your soul. And guess what with all that water running under it, that bridge needs maintenance. Its not going to help itself. THAT IS ON YOU!!! You need new bricks, you need new cement, you need new hands, new glue and nothing but the BEST! PROTECT THIS BRIDGE GUARD IT FOR ALL YOU KNOW YOU ARE GOOD FOR - FOR THIS WORLD. Or all is lost. you can be the bridge guiding for others. And you have to be strong for yourself for others.
THERE IS NOT STOPPING THIS. Soon enough all that stagnant energy had to go. And so I move.
BE FIRST
No one is going to lift you out of this but yourself. And you cant wait on anybody to lift you out of this. And so YOU DO!
Don't eliminate what bad there is - its not helping - grow and introduce what good you can bring, and have the bad overflow, leave no room for it.
LIVE WITH THAT TRUE SELF AND LISTEN TO IT. AND so i did. i did inch by inch what it told me to do. when i striked i striked, when stretched i stretched, when i dressed i dressed, and when i stood i stood, and when i watched i watched. it was myself - TRUE self leading the show, there was NO compromise. I trusted it
If I'm on this journey of growth, i had to give it a chance! I had to let it happen. i had to to give it a chance! And i had to choose that. YES CHOOSE THAT. CHOOSE TO LET IT HAPPEN.
AND SO I DID. TIME drew close. 1 bout over, 2nd on its way. 3rd bout finished quick. and we are already on number five. I'm getting queasy and its mine after the next and break.
Don't ride that emotional roller coaster. It isn't your ride!
You have already set your ride. You know whats to happen. You know what you are here for. You know how strong your soul is. You know how confident it is. It knows. it knows. IT KNOOOOOWWWSSSS. AND WHAT YOU DO. I WILL .I WILL. I WILL... AND I WILL COMPLETE. I WILL COMPLETE . I WILL COMPLETE. !!!!
ON WE GO. THE ROBE GOES ON. its a tunnel. and at the end, my destination...the ring. the decider. And it wasn't the judges doing the deciding. it was my true self. My one purpose here is to live with my true self - for when i connect with that do i connect with that channel of infinite capacity, of infinite energy, that no matter the real world result, i keyed in and left it all in that ring! I DO MY BEST. AND YOU DO YOURS. That is all i can really ask on any one. my opponent, my judges, my coaches and my fellow man to act with an open and sincere heart with nothing in reserve, or fixation.
The crowd is timid, but they are easily swayed. and easily changing. just like your emotions it seems. so they are irrelevant to you. to what you do. your soul is the only measure here. no compromise. only the best. LISTEN.
Round 1 and getting over the surreal fact that I'm in the ring again with someone opposing me throwing some hard blows, i fight back. My body begins to feel it all to but I'm not here to listen to that. So i get busy, i work and just as soon as a thought enters my mind i act, and with every blow it is displaced with movement. Just as in life.
Round 2 comes up and here i chance it. I gave room. i was not first. i allowed the opponent to be, and gave him his room. and he landed. and as soon as i stopped listening something else started getting my attention. IT GOT ME SOOOO MAAAD!!!! Upset, fraught with pain, fraught with despair, with fear, with angst, with dismay. "i should just quit now." "round 2, can we make it stop now?" "why is this happening" "why am i here" "can i look over to my corner, let them know" "is it my place" "I'm letting it happen" "how much more left"....i was mad watching those thoughts cross me.
And i made it through the second round with some help and a little patience.
The assistant coach tells me, this is my last round "this is YOUR Round", "you GOT this", "BE FIRST" "ALL YOU GOT, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!!!" "100%"
Now isn't that what I've been trying to tell myself all along!
My soul is always first
My soul knows - its GOT it
Do my best - 100%
my purpose - my round - MINE
AND SO I MADE IT. It WAS THE QUICKEST ROUND. I kept punching. If he struck, it didn't matter whether he kicked, punched, struck kneed. i struck. and i struck. and i struck. and it didn't matter what i threw. i threw i threw i threw. my heart was not letting down. it was not giving in on me. I WAS THEEEEERRRREEEE
I HAD KEYED!!! THIS WAS IT. DON'T STOP. THIS IS IT!!!! DON'T STOP KEEP GOING. THIS IS IT THIS IS IT THIS IS IT
KEEP GOING. WHEN DIDN'T MATTER WE WERE IN IT NOW. IN IT FOR IT TO BE IT. THIS WAS KEYING IN. I WAS THERE. WHERE I WAS LAST NIGHT. I GOT THERE. DING DING DING. ROUND OVER.
In my mind i was awaiting 4. 5. 6. in these rules there were three.
the assistant coach said you dominated third round, you were a different person out there, that was ALL Heart. He didn't want nothing to do with you....My coach said 'you did good...you did real good."
The other fighters saw it too. they saw heart. "Yo bro, i seen you move in the warm ups, i said this guy had vicious kicks - i made sure i was out there to see it - great fight bro"and the others along with the judges
"great fight bro"
"great fight"
"you did great"
"it was that third round"..."third round made the difference"...
And so it wasn't in their words but their tone and how they said what they said. EVEN THE AUDIENCE. i KNOW they saw something. they saw IT
They saw HEART. They saw ENERGY!. THEY SAW MY SOUL COME OUT WITH ME ON THAT THIRD ROUND. AND NON SPARINGLY SO. THEY ALL FELT IT. AND FOR THAT I AM GRATEFUL
FOR THAT I AM HAPPY
FOR THAT I AM HERE
FOR THAT MY GUIDANCE
FOR THAT WHAT I WANTED TO SEE OF MYSELF AND WHAT I WANTED OTHERS TO SEE OF ME.
THIS IS WHAT I CAME TO DO.
AND WHAT I PRAY IN GROWTH. IS THAT ITS NOT THERE ON THE THIRD. BUT THE SECOND. AND THE FIRST. AND BEFORE AND AFTER. THAT I LIVE TRUE AND SINCERE WITH MY SOUL AND TRUE SELF IN ALL I DO AND EVERYTHING I DO WITH OTHERS.
THIS IS WHAT I WANTED TO SHARE WITH YOU. AND I HOPE IF YOU DIDN' SEE IT HERE. YOU SEE IT IN YOURSELF READING THIS. OR IN YOURSELF BEFORE AND AFTER. BRING IT HERE BRING IT NOW. BE THERE.
BE THERE.
This really was endearing. But what i choose to share with you here and now, are some shots from before and after the event. As it truly is a measure of results. How you have grown. The journey is what gets us there. And it is not what everybody sees.
So I will also share what no one usually gets to hear.
On my journey there, I have taken some workshops about passions, about purpose and about self. You ever hear how when someone tells you the man who looks out is wise but the man who looks IN is enlightened. its true. Self knowledge is the one true path to enlightenment. Living with true self. Knowing what that is. Knowing what that wants. What it wants from you, for the world. I was put in to some very strong corners and asked why I HAD to live. What was my reason for surviving? What was it the World needed me For? It was strong and very imposing. It asked of purpose. And it was the clarity of that purpose that made a channel for passion. It was that channel that gave way to unlimited energy and discovery of true self.
I have jumped on this boat now. If it was a rescue boat that had room only for people of purpose, those would be our survivors, those would be our saviors. That is what i chose I would be. I would leave those without clarity behind and board the boat FOR those left behind. To show them they can, that everyone has purpose and a saviour boat to fill. That everyone has wings to be limitless and passionate about their purpose.
One of the things my soul told me was that I needed to continue full heartedly, and what I was doing was preparing. Part in for this fight and for many more to come. This is but another platform to show that limitlessness. How borders and blocks can be surpassed. And I needed to show it to myself.
BOY WAS THIS A TEST.
The day before i was on fire. At the party I had no reservations, this was ongoing, this was relentless, what I had, what I had to give, this was boundless, this was flow and it was infinite. You can be on such a high. it was so hot my hands at times were burning. I was an oven baking for movement!
And the next day...hello Stagnation. Here comes the initiation. Today was the day. What do you do with sparing time and space. And what do you let happen???
There is plenty out there that can seep into your mind; un-needingly, unnecessarily and un-endingly. Alot can be let happen to you. Well this is where you re-introduce your soul. You have to be feeding yourself that right spiritual information. How you are strong, why you are doing this, how you are brilliant, how you are resilient, how your soul knows purpose, how you are never ending, how you are brave. Its the biggest promotion piece of your life. And you have ONE audience member! YOURSELF.
AND ITS A TOUGH CROWD OUT THERE. IT IS.
Your emotions can be a track set for a roller coaster of ups and downs as your thought as well. You have to watch those. And what you notice. is that they pass. they pass like water underneath the bridge. What remains is the bridge. the bridge of growth, the bridge of purpose the bridge for your soul. And guess what with all that water running under it, that bridge needs maintenance. Its not going to help itself. THAT IS ON YOU!!! You need new bricks, you need new cement, you need new hands, new glue and nothing but the BEST! PROTECT THIS BRIDGE GUARD IT FOR ALL YOU KNOW YOU ARE GOOD FOR - FOR THIS WORLD. Or all is lost. you can be the bridge guiding for others. And you have to be strong for yourself for others.
THERE IS NOT STOPPING THIS. Soon enough all that stagnant energy had to go. And so I move.
BE FIRST
No one is going to lift you out of this but yourself. And you cant wait on anybody to lift you out of this. And so YOU DO!
Don't eliminate what bad there is - its not helping - grow and introduce what good you can bring, and have the bad overflow, leave no room for it.
LIVE WITH THAT TRUE SELF AND LISTEN TO IT. AND so i did. i did inch by inch what it told me to do. when i striked i striked, when stretched i stretched, when i dressed i dressed, and when i stood i stood, and when i watched i watched. it was myself - TRUE self leading the show, there was NO compromise. I trusted it
If I'm on this journey of growth, i had to give it a chance! I had to let it happen. i had to to give it a chance! And i had to choose that. YES CHOOSE THAT. CHOOSE TO LET IT HAPPEN.
AND SO I DID. TIME drew close. 1 bout over, 2nd on its way. 3rd bout finished quick. and we are already on number five. I'm getting queasy and its mine after the next and break.
Don't ride that emotional roller coaster. It isn't your ride!
You have already set your ride. You know whats to happen. You know what you are here for. You know how strong your soul is. You know how confident it is. It knows. it knows. IT KNOOOOOWWWSSSS. AND WHAT YOU DO. I WILL .I WILL. I WILL... AND I WILL COMPLETE. I WILL COMPLETE . I WILL COMPLETE. !!!!
ON WE GO. THE ROBE GOES ON. its a tunnel. and at the end, my destination...the ring. the decider. And it wasn't the judges doing the deciding. it was my true self. My one purpose here is to live with my true self - for when i connect with that do i connect with that channel of infinite capacity, of infinite energy, that no matter the real world result, i keyed in and left it all in that ring! I DO MY BEST. AND YOU DO YOURS. That is all i can really ask on any one. my opponent, my judges, my coaches and my fellow man to act with an open and sincere heart with nothing in reserve, or fixation.
The crowd is timid, but they are easily swayed. and easily changing. just like your emotions it seems. so they are irrelevant to you. to what you do. your soul is the only measure here. no compromise. only the best. LISTEN.
Round 1 and getting over the surreal fact that I'm in the ring again with someone opposing me throwing some hard blows, i fight back. My body begins to feel it all to but I'm not here to listen to that. So i get busy, i work and just as soon as a thought enters my mind i act, and with every blow it is displaced with movement. Just as in life.
Round 2 comes up and here i chance it. I gave room. i was not first. i allowed the opponent to be, and gave him his room. and he landed. and as soon as i stopped listening something else started getting my attention. IT GOT ME SOOOO MAAAD!!!! Upset, fraught with pain, fraught with despair, with fear, with angst, with dismay. "i should just quit now." "round 2, can we make it stop now?" "why is this happening" "why am i here" "can i look over to my corner, let them know" "is it my place" "I'm letting it happen" "how much more left"....i was mad watching those thoughts cross me.
And i made it through the second round with some help and a little patience.
The assistant coach tells me, this is my last round "this is YOUR Round", "you GOT this", "BE FIRST" "ALL YOU GOT, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!!!" "100%"
Now isn't that what I've been trying to tell myself all along!
My soul is always first
My soul knows - its GOT it
Do my best - 100%
my purpose - my round - MINE
AND SO I MADE IT. It WAS THE QUICKEST ROUND. I kept punching. If he struck, it didn't matter whether he kicked, punched, struck kneed. i struck. and i struck. and i struck. and it didn't matter what i threw. i threw i threw i threw. my heart was not letting down. it was not giving in on me. I WAS THEEEEERRRREEEE
I HAD KEYED!!! THIS WAS IT. DON'T STOP. THIS IS IT!!!! DON'T STOP KEEP GOING. THIS IS IT THIS IS IT THIS IS IT
KEEP GOING. WHEN DIDN'T MATTER WE WERE IN IT NOW. IN IT FOR IT TO BE IT. THIS WAS KEYING IN. I WAS THERE. WHERE I WAS LAST NIGHT. I GOT THERE. DING DING DING. ROUND OVER.
In my mind i was awaiting 4. 5. 6. in these rules there were three.
the assistant coach said you dominated third round, you were a different person out there, that was ALL Heart. He didn't want nothing to do with you....My coach said 'you did good...you did real good."
The other fighters saw it too. they saw heart. "Yo bro, i seen you move in the warm ups, i said this guy had vicious kicks - i made sure i was out there to see it - great fight bro"and the others along with the judges
"great fight bro"
"great fight"
"you did great"
"it was that third round"..."third round made the difference"...
And so it wasn't in their words but their tone and how they said what they said. EVEN THE AUDIENCE. i KNOW they saw something. they saw IT
They saw HEART. They saw ENERGY!. THEY SAW MY SOUL COME OUT WITH ME ON THAT THIRD ROUND. AND NON SPARINGLY SO. THEY ALL FELT IT. AND FOR THAT I AM GRATEFUL
FOR THAT I AM HAPPY
FOR THAT I AM HERE
FOR THAT MY GUIDANCE
FOR THAT WHAT I WANTED TO SEE OF MYSELF AND WHAT I WANTED OTHERS TO SEE OF ME.
THIS IS WHAT I CAME TO DO.
AND WHAT I PRAY IN GROWTH. IS THAT ITS NOT THERE ON THE THIRD. BUT THE SECOND. AND THE FIRST. AND BEFORE AND AFTER. THAT I LIVE TRUE AND SINCERE WITH MY SOUL AND TRUE SELF IN ALL I DO AND EVERYTHING I DO WITH OTHERS.
THIS IS WHAT I WANTED TO SHARE WITH YOU. AND I HOPE IF YOU DIDN' SEE IT HERE. YOU SEE IT IN YOURSELF READING THIS. OR IN YOURSELF BEFORE AND AFTER. BRING IT HERE BRING IT NOW. BE THERE.
BE THERE.
Now for my take on this journey that is LIFE...
"Life isn't a destination-its a journey. It's also fragile and unpredictable, so handle with care!"
Everything that was written in the above post resonated me to the core. As a fellow warrior in the martial arts world and life I've had some similar struggles and trials in my life. Being a woman in two very male dominated worlds has never been easy. In the culinary world you're always trying to prove that you have what it takes and that your desire and drive along with your skills are enough to get you ahead. You HAVE to develop a thick skin and learn to take the criticism. I've heard "You'll never be good enough", "You should be working the makeup counter at Dillard's" more times than I'd like. But you know what that does? It pisses me off so much that it makes me want everything more! I've been blessed in my culinary career to have some amazing successes but with that came a lot of failures and more times than I'd like to count of being knocked down but getting right back up again! Kind of like that Aaliyah (may she RIP) song that goes, "Dust yourself off and try again, you can dust it off and try again!" But if it weren't for those so-called "haters" or the ones who pushed me to my limits I wouldn't be the strong, no nonsense chef that I am today.
I've had similar experiences in the martial arts world as well. I have a very rare, not your average type of training story. I started when I was 6 and I was terrible. Having my Dad as my instructor was so difficult. Separating the difference between Dad and instructor/Sensei was something that haunted me for years. When I was corrected or told to do something I ALWAYS got emotional because I thought it was my Dad yelling at me or criticizing me. Alligator tears formed in my eyes almost every night for a good 2 or 3 years until one day the light bulb went *DING DING*!!! For some reason something clicked and I finally figured IT out! Not sure if it was divine martial arts intervention, but the martial gods were definitely looking out for me that day. I have been trained by the best, taught by the best, and beat up by the best. My Dad was harder on me than he was on anyone else. Now was that because I'm the baby of the family? MOST LIKELY! Was that because I am his daughter and he wanted me to be the best that I can be? ABSOLUTELY! Was it because I was to be the 1st black belt out of Yume Dojo? FOR SURE! If he wouldn't have pushed me so hard I don't think I would have had the same experiences in the dojo and on the mat and in life in general.
It has taken me awhile to wrap my head around what I want out of life, who I want to become, how I want to approach the journey and the path to self discovery. I am slowly starting to unravel the things that I need to do and the people that I need to associate myself with to get there. Obviously this has been a tough road to travel and I feel like there's constant road blocks and obstacles in my way, but instead of going around them and evading them like I might have done in the past, I just push right through them. Every day I'm slowly figuring out the Cliff Notes on life, and I'm taking it one day at a time.
I know for a fact that within the last year or two I've slowly starting becoming the woman that I want to become. The path to this self-discovery is not an overnight process and I'm not going to magically wake up one day and BOOM, instantaneously be the woman that I want to be, but I'm slowly chipping away at it. I'm enjoying the process and I'm learning something and discovering something about myself every single day, whether it's something I'm embracing about myself or something that I want to change.
It's imperative that I keep the negativity at bay, that I don't let the "negators" in my life and only surround myself with people that I know are in this for the long haul with me. It's a waste of my time to associate myself with people who bring me down. With that said this is a solo journey to try to achieve the best for ME! It has taken me sooooooooooooooooooo long to figure out that 90% of the time it is about everyone else, but a good 10% is left for me. I need to focus on the journey, not the destination and I'm happy to accept people into my life that embrace my approach and want to be beside me on the long, uphill battle to the top.
I believe my purpose in life has yet to be fulfilled. All I can hope for is that people in life see what I've set out to do: And that is to share my love, passion, and devotion to just LIFE! I can only hope that people feel my love and devotion to not only them but to LIFE! I want to embrace everyone and show them the love and passion I have so they can go on and share it with the world! So the journey is still a little rocky and wrought with trials and tribulations, but the more I keep walking uphill, the more clear it becomes. It's like walking through a fog or seeing a mirage, you know it's there but you just haven't reached it yet.
I just want to thank everyone for being on this journey with me and I'm so humbled and grateful to have such amazing people to be a part of the trek with me! I'm incredibly blessed to have had someone share such heartfelt, soulful experiences with me and been given the opportunity to share in his journey as well. To me that's what life is all about: sharing in the journey together. For that I will be forever grateful and forever evolving to become the person that I want to become!!!
